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Check Out the New BLOG:

My new blog is up, updated, imported, and all that neat stuff. RSS feeds are live too, so change your bookmarks and links if you would and see my new digs.

You can also change your bookmarks for my ministry page. Polycarp Ministries is up and running here. Change your bookmarks and links.

 
New Site & New Start:

Very soon my blogs will be moved over to CatholicDestination.com. At that time I plan to resume regular posting. A brand new Catholic blogging community is being constructed there and I'm excited to see how this new network runs. My sneak previews have been exciting so I'm anxious for the new build of CatholicDestination.com to go live.

I'm encouraging all the bloggers I know to make the move. The blogging will be free and feature rich. I'm looking forward to seeing everyone on one site. Should be fun.

 
Why Catholic? - part 1:

When my protestant friends learn that I am a Catholic layperson and no longer a Baptist pastor, the first question they ask is, "What turned you against the Baptist Church?" First of all there is no such thing as THE Baptist Church. Any Baptist theologian worth his salt knows that each local congregation is autonomous (self governed) and part of the invisible, universal Church. Baptists are united through commonly held beliefs and financial support of missions, but those ties are not considered binding. But autonomy didn't turn me against Baptists. I haven't been turned against Christian Protestants. I'm not bitter toward my past at all (a charge normally leveled at converts from ANY group, religious or otherwise).

My journey into the Catholic Church is all about being led to the fullness of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. It is as much a part of my Christian testimony as when I first committed my life to Jesus Christ. Over the next few days I want to share some of the ways in which God led me to Catholicism. I do this for 2 reasons:

1.) To provide seekers one more example of someone who was (and is) on a similar journey.
2.) To make myself available to help those considering the Catholic Church, or who would like help in understanding why Protestants do/say the things they do.

Feel free to email me at any time with your comments, questions, or suggestions for what you'd like to see here.

 
Why Catholic? - part 2:

Almost all of my life I have been a Southern Baptist. My family attended a Methodist church until I was 7, then we went Baptist and never looked back. I never really had reason to doubt the validity of baptist doctrine. After all, it was through the preaching of a baptist evangelist that God drew me to a relationship with Jesus Christ. My life revolved around church (and still does). I knew that when the doors were opened, I was probably supposed to be there for something. Choir, youth, worship, missions, outreach, prayer, and the list goes on and on and on. Add school athletics, clubs, and friends (study fits in there somewhere, right?) and you have 1 very busy teen. And I was surrounded by awesome Christian examples. They taught me to put my relationship with Jesus Christ above anything else. What a great foundation! After HS, I took my faith and my zeal to college at one of the nation's premier private universities. Even getting there was a miracle. God gave me a full ride when even the ones closest to me told me that attending that school would never happen.

In college my faith grew to a new level because 1.) God was providing for my every need just like He said He would, and 2). I had three great roomies who GRILLED me on every point of doctrine to which I held, not because they disagreed (although sometimes we did) but because they wanted me to know WHAT & WHY I believe. Often I had no defense for my beliefs. I had just assumed things to be true because i trusted those who had taught me. [buzzer - sorry, thanks for playing] When you are in college, especially as a x-er (or am I supposed to type X-0r to be kewl?), you learn that "just because" is never the right answer. So I started to study everything to make sure that I could defend my beliefs. I promised myself that I must be the one to conform myself to truth and not the other way around. There could only be one TRUTH. Everyone can't be right at the same time. Somebody had to be wrong and it can't be me (at least not for long). SO I settled on a Christian studies major, a history minor, and a Greek minor. God's Providence: these three disciplines would prove to be my undoing as a protestant.

 
Why Catholic? Part 3:

Being a Christian Studies major was a blast. It exposed me to so much truth and made me hungry not only to know truth, but also to teach it. College gave me a desire to teach others. It also prepared me to formulate and defend my opinions. I soon learned that the hot debate on campus was over Calvinism, and that one of my room mates was the leader of the Calvinist front. If you're not familiar with the debate, email me and I'll explain it to you. Therefore I was enrolled in the debate as well, and I loved every minute of it. I poured so much time and effort into Scripture study, history, theology, and loads of prayer because I was determined that I would not be proven wrong by ANYONE. I started in the con position, which pleased both of us, and allowed us to sharpen our rhetorical skills. However, as I studied to prove Calvinists wrong in their soteriology, I began to see that my arguments did not hold water.

My shallow theology was being broadened by my studies and I began to see the richness of God's grace. After about 1.5 yrs I came to the conclusion that the Reformed argument was more in line with the early church than was the Arminian position. I realized that most baptists I knew were non-reformed, and as if that weren't enough, few had any clue as to what Baptists have historically believed (the Baptist founders were mostly Calvinists). This problem could not be allowed to stand. I had a new goal in life: make all Baptists "go back" to historical Baptist/Reformed theology. For the remainder of my college career I fought hard to correct the "historical myopia" of my classmates, ministry friends, professors, and family. My methods were not always "seasoned with salt" and often fueled by pride rather than love. I made a lot of people mad, and gained the respect of a few others. Through the controversy, however, I gained a sense of identity and purpose. "If I could only get people to see that they are missing 500 years of Protestant Christian history/theology," I would think to myself, "churches would be transformed and the world would see God's grace for the depth and wonder it posesses." Indeed.

 
Why Catholic? Part 4:

In the middle of all this Calvinism (actually in the middle of my investigation of it) I met my wife. My senior year in HS I told myself I was not going to spend my college life looking for a woman. I would be friends with lots of women and treat them as sisters, but I would busy myself with the task to which God had called me. When He was ready for me to have somebody, He would bring her to me and open my eyes just like He did for Adam in the garden. Well, guess what? That's exactly what happened. My freshman year was filled with late nights at coffee houses and movies (I must have studied during the day), and I met tons of people. I even met this girl who liked to slap her playing cards on the table when she played Nertz. I can only remember a couple of "dates" with girls but it was more just treating a good friend to dinner and a movie. My eyes were closed.

That summer, while working as a youth-camp dorm manager, it happened. Knock, Knock, Knock. I opened the door and there she was, the card slapper! She was a camp nurse needing to give a student his insulin. My eyes were opened and it was as if God were saying, "Here she is. Can I make it any more obvious?" I don't even remember if I showed her the guy's dorm, but I do remember inviting her over for an elegant dinner of hamburger helper (cheeseburger macaroni!) and creamed corn that my co-worker and I had made. Maybe it was the onions, or maybe it was romance, but we became fast friends and I knew she was the one. Listen, when a girl will watch The Godfather and Monty Python: Search for the Holy Grail in 1 night, hang on to her! After much prayer, I told her how I felt, and we began a ministry of praying for each other so we would know what to do.

I remember the first time I met her father. His first question for me was literally, "Are you a Calvinist?" I didn't even fully understand the term at that time, so I admitted that to him. I think he said something about seeking truth (which was and is my goal) and we engaged in small talk. So, fast forward to Nov. 1995. I proposed to her in the library because it was so windy outside (and we had papers to finish. I think I got a B+). Don't laugh. She thought it was sweet. We were married in December 1996, just 1 month after her parents came into the Church (my attempt at forshadowing), and she has been with me on this journey 100%. She is the greatest support and friend I've ever had, not to mention a great mother to our daughters. I thank God every day for this card-slapping woman (then a baptist as I was) who had such an important role in my conversion.

 
Why Catholic? Part 5:

I've never been adept at learning foreign languages, but for some reason Greek came fairly easy to me. I became so fond of Greek that I minored in it and took as many classes as I could. Studying the language opened my eyes to the depths of Scripture. It showed me how easily tools like interlinear texts and language concordances (like Strong's) can be misused, leading to egregious theological error. Without a proper understanding of Greek language, writer/audience culture, and the historical context in which something was written you can really get into trouble. By the way, if you haven't studied Koine or Classical Greek, you're missing out. Not only is this a great apologetics tool, but also a wonderful aid to understanding of God's Word (In addition to most of the NT being written in Greek, the OT of Christ's time was a greek translation of the Hebrew Scriptures called the Septuagint or LXX). It's also a way to see what Aesop's Fables REALLY say.

Studying Greek helped me to learn and apply sound hermeneutical principles so that I was not trying to interpret Scripture according to my own presuppositions (or at least admitting them up front). In fact, our professor would pick difficult passages in order to challenge our thinking, and then he would play devil's advocate. This solidified good thinking, logical presentation/defense, and sound interpretation skills.

As a side note here, dispensational eschatology fell like a brick, and I realized that I had made critical errors in my assumptions about the end times. What a scary thing to be sitting in a pew and hear a minister (not just Baptists) telling you what "this word in the Greek" means, and then to hear him apply a meaning you know is nowhere near the word's meaning or context. It didn't happen often, but often enough to make me want to ALWAYS be sure I understood the passage in its context before I taught it. I took (and still take) the stricter judgement on teachers, as explained in the Bible, very seriously. As a result I read and studied everything as if my life depended on it. That doesn't mean I didn't make mistakes, but I knew what was required of me.

Greek did something else for me. In the advanced classes, we translated extra-biblical literature. We were sharpened in our language skills because nobody could fudge a translation simply because he/she had an english scripture memorized (and that is soooooooo easy to notice, and a bad practice to adopt). We translated Aesop, the Didache (teaching of the 12 Apostles), and even some of the Church Fathers. It was this step in my growth that made me want to know what the ancient Church REALLY looked like, especially after learning that the LXX contained the deuterocanonical books Protestants call "apocrypha", and also after reading the practices and theology of the Church in writings like 1 Clement, and the Didache. They didn't sound very Baptist to me and that made me uncomfortable. AND I found my hero, St. Polycarp (who is now my patron saint, along with St. Clement). What an awesome testimony to Jesus Christ! If you haven't read about these guys, shame on you.

 
Why Catholic? Part 6:

I said earlier that there were 3 things that would be my undoing. The 3rd of the three was my History minor. I had bar-none, the absolute best history professors in the world. Not only were they intelligent, but they were also dynamic in their presentations. To top all that, they were approachable and ere genuinely interested in making an investment in my life. Their example made me want to become a teacher. So I picked up the double so I could minor in Greek AND History. The course load was difficult, but it was worth the effort. I especially liked studying the history surrounding the Church, and we spent plenty of time there. I was amazed that my professors were good about pointing out the events of history but not trying to reinterpret it. I learned to look as objectively as possible. And there was the Church: the good, the bad, and the ugly. I knew there had been some scoundrels in Church leadership before, but I had no idea how severe some of their errors went. But what was more amazing is what I DIDN'T see. The myths I had learned from certain fundamentalist tracts were obliterated from my mind as I saw the real Church dealing with real issues. I saw that the Church took its time in speaking and did so mostly when a long-held belief was challenged. So where were all these man-made additions? If the Church was responding to a disagreement, then the Church must have already had an established belief. This begged the question which would pursue me for 8 years: What did they believe?

Of course, being at a Baptist school, we didn't spend all our time talking about Catholic history. We did spend a large amount of time dealing with Protestant history, especially in the Americas. This fueled my desire to "Calvinize" the University. If they could just see that modern baptists have it all wrong. If they could just go back to the beliefs of the baptist founders - back to the beliefs of the reformation, then they would be changed. Then all the silly church issues would be put to rest. Almost every chance I had, in pulpit or on paper, I spoke about "going back" to the way things were supposed to be. My problem was that I didn't go back far enough (back to 33 AD when Christ started it all), but that will come later. At this time I was making two critical presuppositions re: history and ecclesiology.
1.) The Church was universal and invisible.
2.) The Catholic Church left the teachings of the Apostles during the middle ages (I came to find out later that most people claim the Church fell away prior to Nicea. Hmmmm [he grins]. I wonder why they say that?).

Now I had an unsatiable appetite for history. This passion would fuel my desire to teach and to study history in graduate school.

 
Getting there is half the story (Why Catholic? Flashback):

I told a friend last night that there would be times when my conversion story would have flashbacks. Today is such a day. I can't pass over how I got to college because it contains a principle that has sustained me for years. God provides for the needs of His children. If God intends for you to do something, He will provide the means for you to accomplish it. Learning that principle as a 6th grader in a comfortable blue-collar family is one thing, but applying it when the odds are stacked up is another. As a HS junior, I knew that God wanted me for lifetime service to Him as some type of minister (at that time i only knew of 4 possibilities: pastor, youth pastor, missionary, and music leader), so I needed to find a Christian college to prepare me. My parents explained to me that they could not afford to send me there, even though I knew they wanted to with all their heart, but I insisted on visiting the school.

The minute I stepped foot on campus I knew this was where God wanted me. I toured the place and started making plans to attend by filling out an application. My parents reminded me on the way home that this was out of their price range, but I was convinced of the aforementioned principle. I told them in no uncertain terms that if God wanted me to go, he would provide every penny to get me there (even if His plan included me doing menial labor for minimum pay). I remembered my hero, George Mueller (read the bio of this protestant saint and be encouraged), who trusted God with his orphanages so much that he sat his children at the table, knowing that somehow food would be provided (and they had just run out of both food and funds the night prior). God provided a bakery that made too much bread and a milk truck that lost a wheel and needed to unload milk before it spoiled, AND a check from an unknown source. And George never told a soul of his need, no one but God. Everyone told me that examples like his were rare and that God was under no obligation to provide like that. This is true, but I also believed that it was rare because so few people trust in Him enough to see His hand move like that. So I trusted God to provide my way, convinced that this was where He wanted me, and still nobody believed me.

I applied for every scholarship and grant that I might qualify for, and they all refused me. My admissions counselor advised me to apply for the presidential scholarship which paid full tuition for 4 years. "Yeah, right" I could hear people think. I barely qualifed to fill out the application with my 3.58 GPA and 28 ACT. I just kept praying, "God if you want me there, I know you'll provide." Friends and family reminded me that time was running out to apply for the University of Tennessee or a community college, but I held on. Weeks later I got a call asking me to come for an interview. I was a finalist!

To make this story shorter: I interviewed and later received a scholarship that nobody thought I could get (tuition paid), I found a job as an RA working for the kindest, most generous man I've ever met (utilities, books, food, misc. paid), and my parents offered to pay my housing (are you getting this?). God had provided every penny and so much more and my faith was greatly strengthened. My freshman year, the scholarship requirements were increased to a level for which I wouldn't have qualified (talk about God's perfect timing!). I could tell you all kinds of stories about how God has provided for me (and I probably will). He is the greatest! Trust Him with your circumstances. Seek and fulfill His plan for your life. He will not abandon you.

 
Why Catholic? Part 7:

Grace. I used to define it simply as "God's unmerited favor." And it is definately that, but it is so much more than a concept. Defining grace was a huge part of my conversion. In fact, as I read Calvin's Institutes I found that grace was "stuff", an agent of transformation in our lives. I realized that there were means of God's grace that He had established so that we could receive Him and be restored, strengthened, and transformed. I did not yet believe in 7 sacraments, but my working definition of grace included them as means of communing with God and growing closer to Him. My wife and I described marriage as a sacrament in our wedding invitations. There was so much more than ritual observance (sorry Ulrich Z.) and the deeper I searched for the truth, the further into the ancient Church I was drawn.

My newfound convictions drew some heavy fire from some of my more fundamentalist friends, but they really had little to say for their side. I found a great help in Wayne Grudem (evangelical scholar) because he seemed to be on the same page with me. What's more, his theology textbook gave a decent number of source documents for differing theological opinions at the end of each chapter. Now I had means of comparison. Rather than trust one source's description of all dissenting opinions, I knew it was best to let each side speak for itself.

At that point in life (college Senior) I had come to the conclusion that God was in the process of conforming me to the image and likeness of Jesus Christ. This process of purification was brought about by the Holy Spirit via God's grace. I also knew that if I was to understand anyone, I must let them speak for themselves (so when it would come to Catholics later, I would not waste my time with the Bill Websters or Jack Chicks). I was also falling in love with the ancient Church as I continued to translate early documents such as Didache, Martyrdom of Polycarp, and 1 Clement. What ideals were these people willing to die for? The only logical source was the writing of the early Church. What I found would be the agent of grace that brought me to Rome 4 years later.

 
Why Catholic? Part 8:

Today's Gospel reading reminds me of another breaking point in my quest for truth. Mary, the blessed mother. Encountering this scripture in Greek class (Luke 1:26-38) shattered my misconceptions about the Church. Historically and theologically I had learned the reasons for Mary as Theotokos (God-bearer). There was no time in Christ's life when He was not God, even in the womb of this young virgin. I also knew that Catholics did not WORSHIP Mary or any other saint, because worship is due to God alone. But they are true champions and leaders of the Faith, and receive the respect they deserve for their leadership roles and examples. I've never understood why people get so upset about that. They will pay hundreds of dollars to watch their favorite college football team play, name their children after their sports heroes, and skip Church to be with their team. And they say Catholics are idol worshippers? But I digress.

After hearing sermon after sermon around Christmas time, seeing it as their chance to keep everybody protestant I guess, explaining that Mary was "just an ordinary woman" and "nothing special" I almost went crazy. Even before I believed in the immaculate conception and assumption, I knew that Mary was special. Unless my protestant friends can show me another virgin who gave birth to God-incarnate, raised Him according to the law of Moses, helped initiate His ministry @ a wedding feast, never left Him during His ministry, stood by weeping as she watched Him die, rejoice after His resurrection, remain with and encourage His disciples after His ascension, etc. Doesn't sound too ordinary to me.

Oh, I almost forgot. Our salvation hinged on her answer in the passage above. Verse 37 says with God nothing (no word) WILL BE impossible. To that point, everytime God spoke a word, it became. There was no IF. Now God and all creation wait for the answer. His prophets have fortold of this event. It comes down to the answer of this young girl. She said "yes", the incarnation was manifest, and Heaven rejoiced. She was indeed special and specially chosen for this task. No wonder the angel greeted her by saying literally "Greetings, she who HAS BEEN FILLED with grace, the Lord is with you." Mary's actions point us to salvation in Christ alone and give honor to God alone. It's all so very scriptural, and that's why it was so hard to escape God's call to me toward His Church.

 
Why Catholic? Part 9:

I loved seminary. Our time in Louisville afforded me so many chances to grow, learn and serve. Now I was amongst the "big dogs" so to speak, and I could once and for all put away those tinges of doubt concerning the Catholic Church. But every class I attended, being taught by the brightest and best protestant scholars in the nation, I was more and more drawn to Rome. Why?

The more I studied Church history, Scripture, and theology, the more I saw an ecclesiological structure found only in the Catholic Church. The Church Fathers constantly spoke of fidelity to bishops and to THE Church (not local congregations or cliques or anything else). It didn't take long for me to see that a structure was logically demanded of the Church, and therefore was provided by Christ when he appointed Peter as its first pastor. Now there was one who could speak for God, being led by the spirit along with the Apostles, in order to settle disputes and declare what is and what is not truth. Why didn't everyone else see this? Because they were blinded by their presuppositions that congregational democratic government is correct, that the Church fell away from the truth, and that the Reformation was a legitimate cause for schism. But I could find no evidence to support these assumptions in history or sacred Scripture.

What I found as I read, was a Bible that explained God's covenant love for us, and a promise that is fulfilled in Christ. I saw a sanctification that is continuous and real and that was not merely a legal declaration. I saw in the writings of the Scriptures, the Fathers, and even the secular historians, that the Church believed in the real presence of Christ in the Eucharist, and that for this and many other beliefs protestants consider invalid or optional the early Christians were willing to die. The Church I saw in history was the same Church I was reading about in my Catechism, both doctrinally and structurally.

I should explain that I did a lot of reading and study outside of class, and that may partially explain why my classmates were not having the same revelations as myself. But I still think that if somebody is honestly seeking truth, and is willing to conform themself to it and not the other way around, will eventually find the fulness of salvation in Jesus Christ as taught by His Church. Even reading anti-Catholic writers during this period could not sway me. Their arguments were mostly ad hominem, laced with circular reasoning and poor source documentation (including a glaring lack of source documentation itself). To have truly studied the Scriptures and History and to remain protestant would be essentially saying, "I know that the early Church believed the things that the Catholic Church today teaches, and that the Church has been consistant in its teaching for 2000 years, BUT I, with my 4-8 years of study, am willing to fly in the face of 2000 years of succession and disagree because my presuppositions do not match those of the Church." In a word, pride, seems to be one of the largest vices that threaten to keep protestants from discovering the Church.

I don't mean to paint such a negative picture. Most all protestants I know are godly people who love and serve Jesus Christ the best they know how. They want nothing more than to please Christ with their lives, but Catholicism is something truly foreign to them. They have only vague knowledge and assumptions on Church teaching and practice based on what they see in the media (and we all know how accurately the media portrays the Church). Catholicism makes them uncomfortable because of the unfamiliarity. I encourage you to take advantage of the Easter season and invite a protestant friend to a Holy Week service. They will be surprised by what they see and their faulty assumptions will begin to fall.

 
Why Catholic? Part 10:

In 2000 I believe I could say honestly that I had come to a point where I would admit the Catholic Church was a legitimate Christian body. That's a significant paradigm shift for a guy who started out thinking that Catholics were damned by default. The main reason for the change in opinion was twofold.

First of all, all of the Catholics I knew personally and all of the Catholics whose works I had read were all strong and Godly Christians in word and deed. Christ was the center of their lives, and I saw no traces of idolatry, superstition, or low views of Scripture. What I did see were men and women who were committed to spreading and living the Gospel of Jesus Christ. In short, they put most of my seminary classmates (including myself) to shame. There was no doubt in my mind that these people were the elect of God. Therefore, my presupposition that ALL Catholics were "lost" had no ground on which to stand.

Second, my opinion that the Catholic system was unchristian fell away, because I could find no evidence of the arguments made against them by anti-catholic writers. The Catholic Church being written and spoken against by these men simply did not exist. They had set up a strawman and proceded to knock it down, leading others to assume that they were dealing with the Catholic Church that has existed consistantly for nearly 2000 years. I realized that there were significant theological differences between the REAL Catholic Church and REAL protestants like myself. In order to know the truth, I decided to deepen my study of Scripture, Theology, and History in order to find the REAL issues of separation. After all, if there is to be true dialogue one must understand the argument of the differing side.

Armed with a thirst for knowledge and a belief that through my intensified study and prayer I would grow even closer to Jesus Christ, I started devouring as many source texts as I possibly could. My studies of the Church Fathers grew deeper as well. I wanted to learn why Catholics did the things they did and why (their reasons, not the false ones attributed by someone outside). I also wanted to make sure I truly understood the ancient Church. If I could find that, I knew that I would easily be able to find its match in the present (or at least how to shape my congregation toward that end).

 
Why Catholic? Part 11:

Today's Gospel (Luke 24:13-35) is a special blessing to me because it displays a pivotal moment in my own conversion. To summarize the pasage, after Christ's resurrection, two disciples were walking away from Jerusalem. They were upset because Christ had been crucified and buried. They had heard the news of the empty tomb, but apparently did not believe the resurrection had occurred. They explained their story to Jesus, who appeared to them as another traveler on the road. They did not recognize him.

Jesus went on to interpret the Scriptures concerning Himself, and the men invited Him to join them for dinner. When Jesus took bread, blessed it, and broke it, and gave it to them their eyes were opened and they knew it was the Lord. But they didn't see Him any longer. When they rushed back to the other disciples, they were so excited about the truth of the resurrection. They recounted that He was known to them in the breaking of the bread.

The Eucharist is one of the largest reasons for my conversion to Catholicism. In seminary, we studied the two ordinances observed by Baptists, namely Communion and Baptism. The more I studied Scriptures, the reformers, and the early Church, the more I realized that there was more to Communion than "just" a memorial. Too many of these sources were teaching that Christ was present in a real way during this activity. Scripture was also clear that the rituals prescribed for His people always had a deeper meaning than a mere observance. They were times of drawing nearer to God. And why would people be sick and dying for not "discerning the body correctly" if it was just a memorial piece of bread?

The Fathers constantly spoke of those OUTSIDE the Church who denied that the Eucharist was the body and blood of Jesus Christ. Also, the Scriptures were clear in presenting that God often uses material items to convey spiritual power and truth. The Church has always believed in the real presence of Christ in the Eucharist, and the more I studied and prayed, the more convinced I became that Christ was present in Communion. At this point (2000) I wasn't ready to admit the correctness of Transubstantiation, but I believed and defended a real presence and that Communion was a means of Grace. There was simply too much evidence to avoid these truths.

 
Why Catholic? Part 12:

By the winter of 2000, God had already brought us through a lot. In my 3 years in Louisville, God had provided for our every need, and even in our darkest and poorest times had never left us. I had a wonderful job as a supervisor in a Fortune 500 company and had completed almost half of my M.Div. degree. Then word was given that I would no longer be able to flex my time for classes, and the evening schedule had rolled back to classes I had previously completed. I was stuck. So we did what we knew we had to do in times like this - pray.

As God would have it, an associate pastor position had opened recently in my hometown. There was no mention of salary, but we figured that if this was where God was leading it would be enough. I contacted the pastor, and, to make a long story short, got the position. I relocated and began in the spring of 2001. The position placed me in charge of education, discipleship, and students, and I was so excited because now I had time to read and study. My studies related directly to my job so I did not have to run such a fine balance between work and personal education. And to top it all off, the students God provided were to be the most wonderful bunch I had ever met. It was the student body that taught me an important lesson in conversion and apologetics - patience.

These youth were skeptical at best. My first midweek session had 1 student present. I was upset, so I prayed. I mean, my material was excellent, my promotion was fair, why no kids? The next session brought 2 students (#1 brought his sister), and later a 3rd. In a church with an abundance of youth, I wondered still what I was doing wrong. Then came the break point. In August, 3 students and myself sat in our loft meeting room as I bared my heart. I told them of my resolution: we needed to pray, be faithful & real to each other, and let God work. From that night of prayer God moved. Before too long, we didn't have enough seats for everyone. Our student ministry rules were simple. I would be 100% real and honest and I expected them to be the same. That meant that if they thought I was full of ________ then they had every right to tell me, and if I thought they were lying I could call them out too. It worked because God had revealed to me that most of all people want to see REAL faith and not merely hear about it. Honesty and patience went a long way and God endeared these students to me and my wife.

What did that have to do with my conversion to the Catholic Church? First of all, I learned that conversion happens on God's terms, not mine. My role is to follow His prompts. Second, I had to answer the tough questions posed by my teens. That meant lots of study and prayer, which drew me into the Scriptures and the history of the Church even more deeply, especially in areas I had never had reason to explore. Their questions were varied, and many of them deep, so I grew in my own faith as I helped them to draw near to Christ.

 
John 6:52-59

The Jews disputed among themselves, saying, "How can this Man give us His flesh to eat?" So Jesus said to them, "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink His blood, you have no life in you; he who eats My flesh and drinks My blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day. For My flesh is food indeed, and My blood is drink indeed. He who eats My flesh and drinks My blood abides in Me, and I in him. As the living Father sent Me, and I live because of the Father, so he who eats Me will live because of Me. This is the bread which came from Heaven, not such as the fathers ate and died; he who eats this bread will live for ever." This He said in the synagogue, as He taught in Capernaum.

This chapter of John's Gospel had more impact on my conversion than any other passage of Scripture. Discovering the Eucharist for the wondrous mystery that it is, was the key to my heart. In light of the context of this passage, all the other Scripture references to that holy meal make sense. Add to that the writings of the earliest Christians who wrote in accord that the Eucharist is Christ's body, blood, soul, and divinity. There's only one place where one can still find this teaching, and it is the same place where Christ left it - in His Church.

It amazes me now to think how anyone could attempt a defense of a symbolic reading of this passage. This is merely their own theology dictating to them the meaning of the passage, and that flawed process is called eisegesis. They are putting their own meaning and thoughts into the Scripture rather than accept the truth as Christ plainly teaches.

I realized my own errors in this regard while still a protestant minister. I was not yet willing to become Catholic, but I believed that the Eucharist was exactly as Christ and His disciples taught. There were still many questions, but I was running out of excuses to avoid converting. Scripture was so clear and I was finding that everything in history echoed the truth about the authority of Christ's Church, the Eucharist, Baptism, and more.

I think in 2002 I knew I would become Catholic one day, but I still had a lot of work to do with the students to whom God had entrusted me. I figured that maybe in 4-5 years, after my work was done there (I never taught them Catholic doctrines by the way. We focused on Scripture, formation, ethics, prayer, and apologetics for the majority of my tenure.) I would take my leave and begin the process of converting through RCIA.

God had other plans.

 
Why Catholic? Part 14:

I've been thinking about my conversion story this morning. What could I write? What have I shared so far? Have I left anything out? I'm sure that I've left out parts, but what do I do at this point?

What I've decided to do is to let you decide. Email me any question you might have about my conversion story. Maybe there was something you read that prompted a question, or there was something you wished I had described more fully. I'll take your questions and pick a day per week to answer them here. And in case you were wondering if I'll use your name - I won't. You've seen how I phrase comments and questions in the past. . . ."A friend of mine said. . ." so don't sweat it.

I'm anxious to read what you have to say. Your question may be just what someone more timid wanted to know, but was afraid to ask. So what are you waiting for? Start emailing me those questions!

 
Why Catholic? Part 15:

I've got more sequels than Rocky AND Star Trek!

So here I was in 2002 an associate pastor in love with his ministry, yet beginning to realize that my time as a Protestant were drawing to a close. I had my endgame scenario worked out because I knew how I wanted things to go - nice and smooth. I wanted to finish my work as long as God would allow me to stay, then resign gracefully like any other minister when he knows it's time to move on. No hard feelings, no anger, no controversy, just a quiet exit into the sunset. Then I figured on exploring denominations till we landed on the one that was the same as the Church Christ started. Funny thing though about my planning - God just doesn't work according to my time table.

You see, He had given me such an insatiable appetite for study, prayer, and truth-seeking that I was out-pacing my own master plan. What I figured would be 4-5 years before resigning turned into 2-3 because I was just finding too much in protestant (more precisely Baptist) theology and practice that were inconsistant with Scripture, history, and sound logic. Then God hit me with a missile from His Word:

Therefore, to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin. (James 4:17)

I realized that everything I studied would have consequences on my actions. When faced with truth I had to do one of two things, accept it and conform to it OR reject it and attempt to conform it to myself. Thus far in my journey, Protestantism was on a shaky foundation and I knew it would not stand much longer for me. However, I made a pact with myself that I would in NO WAY undermine the authority of my pastor by teaching contrary to him. In fact, I always submitted my lesson plans to him in advance. I did that in case someone ever questioned my teaching, but in retrospect I see that it was even better as a guard for the integrity of BOTH our ministries there. I believe God honored my decision by allowing my ministries to flourish. The youth especially were growing in the Lord as we studied through the Scriptures together. And though they asked tough questions, I was never approached with any major doctrinal landmines (such as the Eucharist). It looked like I was going to be able to toe the line and finish as planned (2-3 years), which was great because I wanted to be absolutely sure of where I was going BEFORE I went anywhere. I did not want to hop churches for years, but I wanted to know where I stood 100% before making a change that would affect my family and ministry.

Now what was that I said about God working according to my plans? Oh yeah . . .

 
Why Catholic? Part 16:

The first half of 2002 is pretty much a blur for me. I had so much going on then. The youth ministry was exploding and they were all hungry for good teaching (and a pie in the face every now and then didn't hurt either). They were growing in the Lord and I was having a blast. Plans were underway for a youth mission trip. My education ministry was also going well too. I had taught several classes/seminars and God was blessing the congregation with new ministries and new zeal as a result. In short, things were going EXTREMELY well and I was happy. Why would I ever want to leave?

Because God was about to show me the next step for me through the ministries I loved most. And He was setting me up for one of the biggest leaps of faith I've ever taken, shortly preceded by one of the biggest chastenings He's ever given to me.

 
Why Catholic? Part 17:

At this point in 2002, things were going well. In fact, my first two book ideas were materializing and I was actually able to put my thoughts to paper. One of these books I affectionately called my philosophy of conversion. I had diagrammed the conversion process (a journey we all make) and formulated a teaching curriculum around it. In fact, I used the model to teach my college students through the life of Abraham. One of the thrusts could be summarized by saying that every time we are confronted by the truth, we can either submit to it and convert -OR- rebel against it and become callous. My own spiritual journey is very similar to Abraham's in that we were placed in the same types of situations. Every situation was an opportunity to trust God despite circumstances and opinion. Sometimes we trust, and other times we don't. I found myself desirous of staying on the trusting side of this journey. And then the monkey wrench gets thrown in.

We got a new member to our youth group, and she was Catholic. Her parents wanted her to be involved in our activities, and I was glad to have her. I always felt pressured by unspoken voices that I was supposed to get her and her family to become baptist, but I made it clear to all of them that I had no intentions of removing them from the Church. I told them explicitly that I was more than happy to have their daughter attend as often as she wanted, but I assured them that my goal as minister was to encourage people to grow closer to Christ, not steal people away from the parish to which God had led them. I don't know if this was what they wanted to hear or not, but I had come to a point in which I knew I did not want to be responsible for leading ANYONE out of the Catholic Church. If they decided to become baptists, it would not be because of me. Our Catholic visitor brought an interesting perspective to our mid-week youth meetings and I could see a lot of spiritual growth occuring in the group.

Here's what struck me. After my conversion I found that her parish had 3 times as many activities and studies for youth as I was offering at the time. So why was she there? I don't know. Perhaps her parents were looking outside the Church. Maybe it was a shorter drive for them. But it got me thinking. There were lots of times in which we would be looking at the Scriptures and drawing parallels to Christian life. When applicable, I would share practices and worship styles of our non-baptist brothers and sisters in the Lord (including Catholics). My new youth did not seem to know much about her faith, and I began to wonder if her parents did either. Why else would they allow their child into a protestant youth ministry. For all they knew I could have turned her against the Church and made her a baptist. I can only conclude that they did not know the Truth they had in the Catholic Church, otherwise they would never look elsewhere.

I find this typical of many Catholics today. You don't know your faith and that is why many of you leave for protestant congregations, or leave when controversy strikes. If you knew what you have as a Catholic, not only would you not leave BUT you would also share and defend your rich faith. One of the greatest privledges we have is to carry the message of the fullness of the Gospel to the world. It is OUR responsibility, therefore we must know what we believe and why we believe it. Maybe your parish never taught you, or you were taught very little. Study the teachings of the Church and discover the beauty and richness of your relationship with Christ. We are the Church that Christ Himself founded almost 2000 years ago! If your parish does not offer adult discipleship and teaching opportunities, ask your pastor to initiate some. I'd be glad to speak to your youth and/or adults if you'd like, and I make myself available for the purpose of helping others grow in Christ. And in addition to your own faith, make your children's faith YOUR priority as well. Make sure they see the truth in you and hear it from you.

 
Why Catholic? Part 18:

By the summer of 2002 things were going even better for my ministry. Weekly attendance for my youth meetings was up, new ministries were developing and gaining momentum, we were going on our first mission trip in a long time, and I had begun a ministry to gen-xers using my Abraham study. I was on cloud nine, and I was extremely busy that summer. Life was good and even my naysayers had kept quiet for a while (which in youth ministry is just short of a miracle). Things were going so well that I had time to map out lesson plans and activities for the next year. Looking back, I know that God was preparing the ministry for the transition when I would leave in the Fall of 2002. At the time, however, all I knew was that I had been able to do some visioneering and planning that freed me to focus on spending time with the youth. I still had no desire to leave. There was still so much for me to do, and I still had questions about the Church.

Summer went great and our mission trip was a huge growth experience for all involved. We wrapped up the summer with a trip to Kings Island in Ohio. I had been able to read the writings of Iraneus, Ignatius, Clement, and Justin Martyr in their translated entirety. As a result, I now fully believed in the Eucharist and Apostolic Succession. The writings of the Fathers were clear and unanimous regarding these items. I had expanded my study of Apostolic Authority to include the canon. I knew the Church had the authority to define what God had given to be called Scripture, but I wanted to be absolutely sure of what that first canon looked like (especially the Old Testament). The answers came easy enough, and I realized I was more Catholic than I had previously thought. Still not ready to convert though. Too much work left in my protestant ministry and I wanted a smooth transition. No need for controversy when my time to convert to Catholic came.

But then I went to my sister-in-law's wedding. . .

 
Why Catholic? Part 19:

It was August 2002 and we were in San Francisco for my sister-in-law's wedding. I was excited for lots of reasons: the wedding, visiting San Francisco again, getting to fly again, but also because I was going to do the New Testament reading and the prayer of the faithful in the ceremony. It made me very nervous because the majority of people in the wedding party and attendees were Catholic. I still had questions about the Church, and I was afraid I would mess up. Add to that the fact that everyone there knew that I was the Southern Baptist pastor. Paranoia is probably the best descriptor here. Looking back I know that people could have cared less who I was or why I was there. They were there for the wedding, not the baptist boy.

The wedding went great, especially the homily. Father preached from the same passage I had in my wedding, Ephesians 5. He reminded us that our job was to love our wives as Christ loved the Church. He gave Himself 100% for her. That is my call to love my wife, even if it means giving up the things I love most. I was haunted by the homily all day, especially after I decided to stay at the hotel by myself while the others went shopping at the piers. It was then that the lights went on and I realized how selfish I had been these past 6 years of marriage. I had never once been unfaithful to my wife, and I had never abused her or the children. But it was my sin of misplaced priorities that stared me in the face. My priorities were Church, Church, Church, and me. I was mistakenly laboring under the delusion that my work at the Church was the same as focusing on God. I was confusing study time and activity with devotion, prayer, and meditation. My spirituality looked more academic than anything and my parenting and husbanding looked woefully pathetic. Just because I spent 50 hours per week in a Church office, didn't mean I was always focusing on my spiritual growth. I had substituted busyness for spirituality and God was showing me just how weak I really was. I must have wept for a good hour or two in my room as I realized my failures and the fact that I'd been "coasting" spiritually for almost 6 years.

When my wife got back, all I can remember is saying I was sorry for not going with them and for being selfish. I think she lectured me or something. I don't remember any of the conversation, but I'm sure I deserved it. That night I could not sleep. There was a crazy man outside on the street marching back and forth while yelling obscenities. I stood at the window watching him for a while to figure out what he was saying. After giving that cause up, I went back to my fitful attempt at sleeping. After finally slipping into sleep I dreamed a conversation with God. I don't remember any of it - except the end. A huge golden hammer coming right at my face and hitting me between the eyes. Obviously I woke up with a jolt. God had my attention now (as I'm remembering that I had often told God that the only way to make His will clear to my dense head was to hit me with His plan - God is not without a sense of humor and irony in His mysterious ways). I remember just praying and asking what it was He wanted me to do. The answer came back: Leave your leadership position. I protested that the time was not right for me to leave. I didn't know where I would go (I was neither protestant nor Catholic), what I would do for a living, and I still had so much to do at the church. He calmly instructed me that if I didn't step down, He would find another way to get me out. In other words, I could do this the easy way or the hard way. Either way it was clear that God was done with me at my baptist congreation. I knew that I would have to resign once I got back to Knoxville. I was extremely scared (I never went back to sleep) and didn't know how I was going to explain this to anybody. The rest of my sleeplessness was spent writing the details of my conversation with the Lord (my list of failures, the Scriptures I was not following, the hammer, my worries, God's command, etc.). The next day we were to fly to Memphis and I was going to share my experience and decision with my wife either on the plane or in the car drive to Knoxville.

 
Why Catholic? Part 20:

It was a quiet flight back to Memphis from San Francisco. I think we had layovers in Dallas and Minneapolis. I don't know. Somewhere I had barbecue. The only other thing I remember from the flight was Kimberly getting airsick. I mean, how can you forget stuff like that? We touched down in Memphis and Kimberly's dad and I walked to retrieve our vehicles and pick up our family. I didn't tell him about the dream or my decision. I wanted to talk to Kimberly first.

I don't even know how the conversation started in the car. I do know that our talk took up a large portion of our drive. The rest was me sleeping I think (remember I hadn't slept in almost 2 days). What did we talk about? I told her I had to resign. Shock and awe followed. Then I explained why I was stepping down. I wasn't loving her as I am charged in Ephesians to do. I was putting my job and my wants in front of her and our daughters. One example would be playing a computer game when my daughters wanted me to read them a story. One word - selfish. I had never been unfaithful or abusive, but that only puts me above Hitler. Compared to the vocation of marriage Christ called me to, I was a miserable failure. I loved my family so much, but what was I doing to show it? In detail I told her about my dream and that I could not stand as a pastor or elder of any congregation if I was not managing my family well. Others might be able to live that lie, but I could not do it. And I certainly could not work out my priorities while holding a position of spiritual leadership. How could I lead in areas I had never been before? Being a pastor/teacher/leader is so much more than being a storehouse of information. I know that now.

So the question naturally followed from my wife, "What are you going to do now?"

Good question. "I have no idea," was the only thing that came to mind.

 
Why Catholic? Part 21:

I was very concerned for my family and our future at this point in our journey. God was telling me to step down from not only my ministry, but also my career. How was I going to provide for their needs? As one who tends to worry, I was pretty scared and I had no idea what to do. However, I KNEW that this was the only way. God had made that clear. There are plenty of ministers who have their priorities out of whack and they remain in their positions while God corrects them, but that was not an option for me. God would not allow my conscience to rest until I agreed to resign and focus on repairing my life.

I didn't know where to look for a job. I mean, how many people want to give a great salary and benefits to someone with an education in Christian Ministry? There isn't a great demand for Koine Greek instructors in the secular workforce. I looked for help among my friends at the Coming Home Network. I wasn't ready to be Catholic yet, but I knew some of these men had left ministry positions and found work elsewhere. CHN had a post for job listings. All of them were several months old, except for one. I looked at the ad for a technical writer, read the description of the job, and decided to check it out.

I called the number in the ad and spoke with the President of the company. As he explained what he needed for the job, I was stunned. Every aspect of the job contained elements that I had specialized in during my many jobs over the past 12 years. I told him my work background and he asked me to come in for an interview. I drove to Memphis and interviewed. It seemed as though we both sensed that this was what God wanted (he's a super Christian, and yes he's Catholic), but we agreed to pray about the decision for 10 days. I received an offer of employment 10 days later. My wife and I had total peace that this was God's providence for us, and we accepted.

God was providing for my needs with a great job that fit me perfectly. Now I had to resign my pastorate. I did not look forward to that part one bit.

 
Why Catholic? Part 22:

I saw my resignation from pastoral ministry as a shameful exit for me and my family. I was stepping down because God had shown my priorities to be out of whack; a hypocrite who had no right to lead others. In short, God had caused me to step down because I had replaced knowledge for true religion. I might have had all the right answers in my head, but I was certainly not practicing what I preached. Some would say that I'm making myself out to be worse than I really was, but I am so remorseful of how selfish I was with my time with my family. It hurts just to think about it. It also hurt to announce my resignation in front of my congregation. I can imagine how they must have felt (and may still feel). Does that mean he was teaching us the wrong thing? Is everything he's done considered invalid? How can I trust someone again? Didn't he get enough support here? Did someone mistreat him? Did he commit a more serious offense than he's telling us? I've heard the questions and felt the frustration of many people I once served. There was hurt on all sides, especially my parents, who I'm sure were (are) embarrassed to tell their friends why I had to step down. And there have been times when I've felt as though they didn't even believe my reasons for resignation.

There are two positive points though about my resignation that I'd like to point out. First, there were some people who were touched by my humility in explaining the reasons for leaving. In fact, many saw it as a challenge to take their faith more seriously. I feel that God still used me as a broken vessel to help build up His people through that time. It was also this period of humility and shame that helped begin the bridge building again between me and my wife and kids. They are so great! Another positive is that my resignation was good timing from God. He had told my senior pastor to expect changes to come. I know he had no idea this would be the change, but nevertheless God had brought his flock to a point in their growth that mandated "kicking it up a notch", and my leaving may have paved the way for that change. I also think it saved the congregation from a lot of controversy. I can't imagine the trouble that would have followed had my reason for resignation been that I was becoming Catholic. I would have had no problems stating that had it been my reason for stepping down. God knows what He's doing. The fact that I had resigned opened new opportunities for me to investigate and question the Catholic Church. I planned to set up appointments with a priest and fire questions at him. What amazed me later were the questions the priest asked me!

So stepping down from pastoral ministry was a hard move to make, but the results have been mostly positive. Sure, there are people still mad at me. Some people are REALLY mad. But I have my family, and that restoration means more to me than anything. My Christian faith is growing and my priorities have been changed. As I'm faithful with small things, God is slowly giving me more opportunities to handle responsibility. This blog is one of them. Teaching an apologetics class (starting this week) is another. I don't see myself as having left ministry altogether as much as I see this as a transition to a different type of ministry, totally transformed by God's grace.

 
Why Catholic? Part 23:

My resignation had been given to my congregation and accepted. I was essentially a lame duck for the next two weeks. As I had expected, the people who had given me the hardest times during my pastorate were the ones being the nicest to me those two weeks. I tended to ignore their affection because I knew there were several people there I was really going to miss, especially my students. It was hard for me to be excited about this new step in my spiritual life while everybody was either mad at me or confused. I knew I was doing the right thing by stepping down and getting my priorities straight. I knew that God was providing a way to meet our needs, even though that meant moving away. Still I had to understand that regardless of my reasons for leaving and the good it meant for my family, there were people who really loved us and were sad we were leaving. I still miss them.

The transition to Memphis was not easy, but it was smooth. I moved to Memphis to live with my in-laws and start work while my wife finished prepping the house for sale in Knoxville. I bought a cell phone so we could talk every night. I looked at those first few weeks as a spiritual retreat of sorts, and I used the time to study and pray. There was a determination in my spirit that I'd never experienced before. I was not going to regress into that shell of a man I used to be. God had given me so many "second" chances and I was not going to blow this one. There was no need for me to start visiting a bunch of different churches. I had no ties to any denomination any longer so I figured that RCIA was the way to go. God had stepped up our timetable for becoming Catholic by a couple of years and that was fine with me.

 
Why Catholic? Part 24:

God had certainly provided for us after my resignation. I had a good job, a place for us to stay while we found a house, a loving Church community that welcomed us, and an assurance in my heart and mind that we were where God wanted us. Most importantly, God was giving me back my family. All that time wasted on selfishness and misplaced priorities was slowly beginning to be erased by God's healing Grace. Things are back in order and I have a fresh start.

We were received into the Church on Christmas Eve, after meeting privately with the pastor and upon the permission given by our Bishop. I can honestly say that the biggest factors in my spiritual growth are the Sacraments, most especially the Eucharist, which God gave us for our benefit and His glory. I can't explain all the changes that I've seen in our life since we've come into the Church. They literally are too numerous to count. I'm just so pleased to have my family, to be safe, to have friends that haven't left me because of my Catholic faith, and to be part of the One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church. It's an amazing rush, believe me.

Eight years and twenty-four posts later, you have my conversion story. I think there is probably a crown reserved for you in heaven for persevering through every post.